almost a week and all the guests have finally departed. Dinny is safely in Hawaii starting school. Bryn is back in class. Dad is back at work. Mom is out following up a job interview. And me? Good question.

At the moment my depression isn't causing me to cower in the corner, but I'm still at a complete loss. I've been looking for a new job but so far I haven't seen anything that I can force myself to do (yes force... there is no other word for what I go through to keep myself employed). I have got to find something though. As anyone who has talked to me lately knows, my current one is driving me insane. And I need to get some medical insurance. I hate tempting fate...

The guests are starting to arrive. One week and counting...

I am going to have to find a job soon. My savings are not going to last me through the summer. Anyway, I'm determined not to go back. I can't take it anymore.

until my sister's wedding and there is still so much to be done... I cannot wait until the June 21 when I can sleep and not have to think about centerpieces, dresses, flowers, and a million other minutia.

On the other hand I find the challenge of making the groom's cake quite exciting. I've always wanted to try my hand at doing a non-traditional cake, and even though my plans are nowhere near as interesting as those seen at cake shows, I can't wait to get started. Here's hoping that I don't screw it up!

Still no luck on the job front... I know I'm being far too picky (or stupid) but I just can't see myself doing any of the jobs that I've seen so far.

Spent the day shopping with two of my sisters. It was fun but as I'm rather poor at the moment, I spent most of my time waiting for them to try on clothes.

are a little better but maybe that's just because I've gotten used to the tension and have taught myself to ignore it. I tend to do that. I've never been good dealing with conflict. I'm an escaper. I would rather turn up the volume on my TV so that I can't hear the crying rather than try to deal with an issue that I know I can't possibly help with. What is the point of attempting the futile?

The air hasn't cleared yet...

that seemed to have been long ago resolved have suddenly resurfaced and the tension around here is so thick it is obliterating all oxygen and light. We are all suffocating and I want to scream.

Why the hell are people so immature and stupid!!!!!

I really cannot handle this... There is a pit at the bottom of my stomach that is threatening to swallow me up entirely.