Sunday, July 16, 2017

The Fear Won...

Luckily I have an awesome family who kept my head above water and refused to let me drown (metaphorically).  They firmly pushed/prodded/dragged me to see a doctor, and I have now been on anti-anxiety/depression meds for 2 weeks.

Are they helping?  I think so.  I can get out of bed, and I don't feel the weight of the universe trying to smother me anymore.  But the panic has not gone away in entirety.  At this moment I am again fighting off another attack. 

I still need to learn how to battle my triggers and defend against my own negative thoughts. 

This is a strange journey that I never thought I would find myself undertaking.  I am utterly terrified, and yet, because of the meds, there is a strange chasm between my feelings and my physical self that is very foreign.  Which naturally adds even more to my fears.

"Curiouser and curiouser," said Alice.

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