Saturday, July 29, 2017

First Good Day In Months... So Far...

Just got back from having lunch with my two oldest friends.  We grew up together and were once the three musketeers, but now we're lucky if we get to see each other once a year.

It was super fun, and super relaxing, and most of all, it was nice to just get out of my head and be free from anxieties for a few hours.

Nothing like childhood friends to make you feel like a kid again...

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Still lost

Another week down, still very confused by my current state of being.  I don't really know if I'm coming or going anymore.  Been fighting off panic all week long over very stupid things which must be dealt with sooner or later, but I just can't face them yet.

And I'm still very weirded out by the lack of physical response to my panic...

Sunday, July 16, 2017

The Fear Won...

Luckily I have an awesome family who kept my head above water and refused to let me drown (metaphorically).  They firmly pushed/prodded/dragged me to see a doctor, and I have now been on anti-anxiety/depression meds for 2 weeks.

Are they helping?  I think so.  I can get out of bed, and I don't feel the weight of the universe trying to smother me anymore.  But the panic has not gone away in entirety.  At this moment I am again fighting off another attack. 

I still need to learn how to battle my triggers and defend against my own negative thoughts. 

This is a strange journey that I never thought I would find myself undertaking.  I am utterly terrified, and yet, because of the meds, there is a strange chasm between my feelings and my physical self that is very foreign.  Which naturally adds even more to my fears.

"Curiouser and curiouser," said Alice.